An Alabama Prayer

An Alabama Prayer

Dear Lord. I feel so blessed!

President Trump is the greatest president since FDR, who got things done despite suffering from depression, I learned yesterday. That’s understandable, given his crippling polio. Trump has his bone spurs to contend with, but praise God, they heal on the weekends to relieve his suffering.

I declare I thought he hadn’t passed any bills and was glad to be disabused of that notion. Heaven’s to Betsy though, I was surprised the Cabinet meeting didn’t open with a prayer before they fellowshipped. Might could they have more than they can say grace over.

I did note what that poor Reince Priebus said and, Lord willing, he’ll get to hang on to his job. I’ll pray for him.

"On behalf of the entire senior staff around you, Mr. President, we thank you for the honor and the blessing that you’ve given us to serve your agenda and the American people and we’re continuing to work very hard every day to accomplish those goals.” How many Amens can I get on that?

I was touched by all the love offerings and so was our President, who was grinning like a possum at all the heartfelt testimony from his anointed ones. He was just tickled pink.

Everybody else was sitting cattywampus around the big table looking like they could use a toddy. But it was serious bidness, given the changes they are making to this country.

I am personally thankful the Agriculture Secretary made it safely out of Mississippi where he said they love the President. In Alabama we frequently say, “Thank God for Mississippi!” And thank God the US Trade Representative arrived after he got bogged down in the swamp. Guess he had been to Mississippi too.

I’m also grateful EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt made it back from way over yonder in Italy where the G-7 loves what we are doing to protect the environment. That was precious, but I was disappointed the Transportation Secretary said hundreds and hundreds of her people were “hanging out” at the office. I’ll pray for them too.

And finally now the Godless United Nations sees what America is really for, according to our ambassador. PTL y’all!

I also was much obliged to learn from the Secretary of the Interior there is a seal in the President’s cabinet. And one of the members rode a horse to work. He ain’t right. Mama and them always said not to ride our horses in traffic.

Being from Alabama I was a bit confused to hear that and the fact other countries are getting free rides. But I was happy as all get out to hear the Energy Secretary say America is going to lead the world on climate. Again, being from Alabama, I hope that means the gubmint will send us a cool summer without bugs.

National Intelligence Director Dan Coats said he was joyful to be working with people he inherited. Again, being from Alabama, I have ante-bellum ancestors who would agree. He also said he was going to give the President intelligence. Hallelujah!

As a pious Alabamian I did not appreciate the CIA man cursing, but I reckon his job is enough to make a preacher cuss. However, he too offered to give the President good intelligence and that’s a good thing with the lying media bashing him for having a low IQ.

When Alabama’s own Attorney General Jeff Sessions said “It’s an honor to be --” the President made him hush. I was looking forward to hearing what he was honored to be. From Alabama? But he did say he was fixing to get rid of gangs directly. “They will all be gone pretty soon,” the President agreed. I reckon that means we won’t have anybody to sling-blade our roadside weeds any more.

As we say down home, “Bless their little hearts.” We’ll be praying for them.